Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I deserve this hangover.
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