I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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