some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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