Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
