she looked like the before picture.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
