so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
