I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
