I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i now understand why vodka
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
