Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
