I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
