Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
