What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
