We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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