My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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