i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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