OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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