He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
