Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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