what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't put those talents on a resume
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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