I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
