just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize