i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I want to fling myself into the sun
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
