Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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