I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
