your parents love me but you hate me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
