I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
