So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
