the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
