Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
