I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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