so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
