There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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