walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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