I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
