wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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