i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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