do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
