Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
