Whod you bang
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
