Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My ATM looks so different sober.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
