So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize