I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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