Plan B is the new Plan A
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You pole danced in your parka.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
