The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
