There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
