When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
