My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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