i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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