my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The feeling are messing with the penis
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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