I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
