You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
