but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
