So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
