ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize