Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
