things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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