he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.