Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃