I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.