Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
