hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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