it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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