People with herpes should wear stickers.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
