Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize