I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
