i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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