Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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