Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
