I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
