I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
