people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your penis caused this!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
