She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
