I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
