If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
