Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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